Real Love

I was once in this super dysfunctional relationship; but did I think that while I was in it? Absolutely not! And anyone who had anything negative to say was just a hater. I knew the relationship was a hot mess but I had invested so much time into that person and already married that person in my mind, I felt stuck! I felt like I had to work it out. Then the relationship ended and I was so lost……what do I do now? Who can I turn to? I didn’t even know who I was anymore; I had lost myself in that relationship! I was a complete wreck. I know some of you are wondering, “But Landra, what about God? Aren’t you like super saved?” Honestly, I wasn’t seeking God! That relationship had pulled me sooooo far away from God; going to God was the last thing on my mind. That relationship pulled me away from God but pushed me further into the world so what did I do? The usual break-up cycle; soak my pillow to Tank, Toni Braxton or Brian Mcknight. I had the worst attitude towards everyone I came into contact with, I was super jealous over my friend’s relationships; I turned to family and friends that would babysit my feelings……all that good stuff. But for some reason I kept coming up empty. So finally I gave up!

I started seriously dating God! What does it mean to date God? I spend time with him like crazy! When I wake up he’s the first person I want to hear from and the last person I want to hear from before I go to bed. When I’m spending time with him everything else has to go. No T.V., no phone, nothing that interrupts us. You know the same way you are when you start dating someone! You want to be with them all the time; you can’t wait until your day is over to tell them all about it, all that good stuff! See when I was in that dysfunctional relationship, that man’s life became my bible! I would be all over his social media page, over analyze the facts trying not to face the reality, I seriously studied his life! That is where I messed up! You see the thing I had failed to remember is that God is a jealous God and he doesn’t want any other God before him! Clearly that man became my God! So now dating God, I put him first in everything I do, if I feel like anything or anyone is even starting to get my attention over him, I automatically cut it off.  There’s this old song that says, “Falling in love with Jesus is the best thing I’ve ever done!” that is seriously how I feel. I can honestly say it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. I have this list of everything I wanted in a man but I was so busy trying to get somebody’s son to love me, I was missing that the person with everything on my little list was right here all along….God! I prayed for someone who would just listen to me, someone who I felt comfortable being vulnerable to, someone I could trust, someone who would love me in spite of my mess, etc. I finally have that and all I had to do was fall back in love with the person who first loved me!

Now I do believe that God will one day bring his perfect match for me into my life. However, in order for me to know that that’s the person God has for me, I have to be able to hear from God; I can’t hear from God clearly if my heart is cluttered with unforgiveness, bitterness, jealousness, etc. So if you can’t figure out why you keep coming to a dead end in your relationships, why you can’t just find that one person that will just get you and never give up on you, get back to the main source. God is a jealous God and if you continue to put that man before him, it will never work! It’s a process but if you put in half the time with him just as you do with that man I can promise you it will work out soooo much better. He will never leave you and there is absolutely no one in this entire world that can do you like he can. So be patient, trust God and watch him work. Hats off to dating God!

Love Always, Lalandra Scriven
Remember: Experience is the best teacher