Lalandra Scriven: July 2014

“Ready or not here I come”

Let’s be honest. We’ve all been in that situation (or may still be in that situation) where we had the desire to be with someone who just simply did not want to be in a relationship. They said something like “I just feel like you deserve better.” “I’m not ready for the emotional responsibility that comes with relationships.” “It’s just bad timing.” However, even despite the disclaimer that was established in the beginning because us Women believe that we have some super power to change a man, we dismissed it. Newsflash, YOU CAN’T CHANGE THAT MAN!!!!!

Now I’ll be completely honest. I put myself through the same exact thing. Notice I said that “I”. The reason I said that I put myself through that is because I allowed it to happen. I got into a “situationship” with someone and after realizing that I wanted more than a friendship I presented that to him and what do you think happened? He shut me completely down (since were keeping it real). Instead of respecting the fact that he was man enough to tell me how he honestly felt I was upset but more embarrassed than anything. You mean to tell me I’ve planned our whole future in my head and you don’t want to be more than just friends right now? That wasn’t part of the plan sir. I knew that it was impossible for me to be his friend after this point because I had already fell head over heels for this boy so instead of being honest with him and walking away, I stayed because I thought he would change his mind. I allowed this to go on for months. I suppressed my feelings and forced a “friendship” because relationships are about sacrifice right? But I had forgotten one thing……..We weren’t in a relationship!!! I constantly pressured this man into being with me. I tried to dig up old hurts from his past because I felt his reasoning for not wanting to be in a relationship was contributed to his past hurts. Then I opened up to him about my past because I felt, “well maybe if he understands all the hurts that I’ve been through he will want to change my outlook on Men.” I tried a lot of things and honestly, none of them worked so there’s no need for me to continue on. I went before God and poured out my heart to him and I realized that God is not a God of confusion. I realized that if this was God’s best for me I would have peace about it. . There were even things about this man that I was settling for but I mean he was my future husband so we would just work those little details out later. At this point I knew what I had to do but what I needed to do and what I wanted to do were two different things. So I just rolled with what I wanted to do, and that was wait for God to deal with my “husband”. Finally, we were having a conversation and he simply said, “I just need you to realize that you’re dealing with someone who doesn’t want a relationship.” I was speechless. I honestly don’t remember if there were any words spoken after that. After that conversation I was so broken, hurt, mad and confused. Where did all of this come from???? Then all the warning signs and disclaimers just started playing back in my head and I was so upset with myself. How could I allow myself to get this point? I was mad at God because how could he close that relationship door when I was just getting started? I was mad at him because how could you destroy what we had? Then I realized that God closed that relationship door because he loved me too much to watch me self-destruct. Then I realized that if that Man would have just gave in and gave me what I wanted he would have damaged BOTH of us. He would have damaged himself because he clearly had things that he was dealing with and he would have brought all of that mess into our relationship and possibly our marriage. He would have damaged me because he wouldn’t have been able to be the Man that he could have been to me because he wouldn’t have been able to give me ALL of him. After all I was complaining about all the hurts that I had been through! So not only do I thank God but wooooooooo I am soooooooo appreciative of that Man not damaging either one of us!!!!

If you’re in that situation it doesn’t matter how much time you have invested, how much you think you “love” him, or how many memories y’all have…………LET IT GO!!!! There is always warning before destruction so pay attention before you self-destruct. See the person I was dealing with was man enough to be honest with me but that man may not be man enough to be honest with you. So you have to first forgive yourself for letting it get that far, you have to forgive him for whatever he said that made you think there could possibly be something there in the future but most importantly allow God to speak to your heart because he’s the only one who will ever completely understand you. I know being single isn’t “in” right now and you have to look at other people take the cutest pictures or hold hands out in public but you don’t know what’s going on behind closed doors. During this single season simply focus on you because once you get into that relationship you can no longer be selfish but have to become selfless. You have to trust that God has someone out there that is hand-picked just for you but the longer you hold onto that “friend” “random” “Mr.Cantgethislife” the longer you hold up the process. Let go and let God heal you, restore you, and fill you back up.

EXPERIENCE IS THE BEST TEACHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love always, Lalandra Scriven <3

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Questions?Concerns?Suggestions

"Ready or NOT here I come"

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